Why We Don't Celebrate the Birthday of our Unborn Child

Many people don't know this, but we lost a child when my wife was about 10-weeks pregnant.  Back when this picture was taken, my wife was several weeks along and we had just finished pouring the concrete for our new garage.  I'm pretty sure if when you pour a concrete foundation, doing this is required.  It's not part of city code, but there is some unwritten code that you have to do this, somewhere.

When we placed all of our hands (and one foot) into the concrete, I also wrote + 1 before writing, "Burke Family 2015."  You will see the one footprint there because as you can imagine, it is really hard to put infants' hands (our youngest out of the womb, Joelle) flat onto a gloppy surface when all they want to do is grab everything they touch. Then the + 1 was written for the imprint of the child we still carried, who could not imprint his or her own, due to some location issues at the time (being in the womb).  Still growing in the womb, but present with our family though we did not know his or her name, we included this as part of our hopes and dreams not knowing what the Lord would do.  Ultimately, we would never give birth to this child, and we lost him or her at about 10-weeks, in a miscarriage.

You see, we recognize that child yet born, to be a person.  A person we have yet to meet and who we have yet to know the Lord's will for, but still a person.  He or she was a + 1 before being born.  A person yet born, while in the womb we could only say, "Lord willing" regarding our hopes and dreams that someday would be revealed in that child.  Yet, we also recognize that in God's good will, this child would never have a birthday.  In short, the reason we don't celebrate the birth of our unborn child is because God in His infinite wisdom decided that that child should never have a birthday.  Likewise, any other of the various holidays or celebrations we bring each one of our family members into.  We not only remember the life God gave, but the life God has not given, or has taken away.

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin. - James 4:13-17

All of our hopes and dreams must be subject to the will of God.  That includes the hopes and dreams we have for our children, and even our children themselves, born and unborn.  As I reflect on the life that was not meant for us to know any further than the womb, I must bring my thoughts into subjection to God's ultimate will.  I must realize that it is His will that we would never experience this child's birth.  That experience was not meant for us, or for that child.  I then must wonder--do I bring God glory by prolonging in hopes and dreams God has clearly never meant to come to fruition?

Consider David's reaction, in the loss of his born son who fell sick, and would eventually die.

Then Nathan went to his house and the Lord afflicted the child that Uriah's wife bore to David, and he became sick. David therefore sought God on behalf of the child. And David fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground. And the elders of his house stood beside him, to raise him from the ground, but he would not, nor did he eat food with them. On the seventh day the child died. And the servants of David were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they said, “Behold, while the child was yet alive, we spoke to him, and he did not listen to us. How then can we say to him the child is dead? He may do himself some harm.” But when David saw that his servants were whispering together, David understood that the child was dead. And David said to his servants, “Is the child dead?” They said, “He is dead.” Then David arose from the earth and washed and anointed himself and changed his clothes. And he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. He then went to his own house. And when he asked, they set food before him, and he ate. Then his servants said to him, “What is this thing that you have done? You fasted and wept for the child while he was alive; but when the child died, you arose and ate food.” He said, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept, for I said, ‘Who knows whether the Lord will be gracious to me, that the child may live?’ But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.” - 2 Samuel 12:15-23

So long as David did not know what the Lord would do, he fasted and mourned as he petitioned God that He might be gracious, in sparing the life of the child.  His servants saw him how he wouldn't even talk when spoken to while the child was sick, and in their minds finding out that the child was now dead would send David over the edge.  However, it didn't send David over the edge. Instead, it sent Him into worship.  It was when he understood the Lord's decision on the matter, that he picked himself up, worshiped God for the decision, and now ate.

Why would you write about something like this?  If a person wants to celebrate the birthday of a child they never got to hold, or who was born only to die in that room, why forbid that?  I do not forbid it, but as I have wrestled with this issue from personal experience, in God's Word, this is my plea. My plea here in expressing my "view" on this, is not merely to make a point and tell a bunch of people they are "doing it wrong".  Instead, it is to bring our minds and actions subject to the will of God, that we would be free to worship Him in a way that is most honoring--subject to His will, trusting in His will, glorifying and worshiping of Him, in His will.

Like David, there was a time to hope and dream for the life of my child, which was good and honoring to God.  There is a time where His will is uncertain, and so we petition God, hoping and desiring that certain things will come to pass.  However, when the Lord has decided that this life shall not be mine to have and hold, then like David I believe the best response is to give that to God, and move on, trusting in His will and to His hands.  Not, on the other hand, to be investing time, energy, hopes and dreams in that which God has not meant to be.

"Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." - Matthew 10:37-39

Is it possible, that in honoring the hopes and dreams that we have, which God has snuffed out, even in the life of the unborn, that we elevate our will above God's will and dishonor God?  To fantasize, if you will, in the celebrations that could have been; the birthdays and holidays that might have been had, the gifts and joys that may have been received, if only the child had been born, and lived.  You see, we know that that child in the womb was indeed a person, but it was not the Lord's will for us to behold in that way.  The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, blessed be the Name of the Lord (Job 1:21).

So, in creating memories that God has taken away, and in His foreknowledge saw fit to not give, is to go above my place and create a life in my own image, and not God's.  I am now seeking my own will above God's, my own desires above His, and a life that He has not desired for me to have.  Like David, I must realize that the time for desiring this life was good and right in its time, but that time is over.  I have understood the decision.  I have mourned, and I entrust him or her to the Lord, as it was never my life to give, have, or hold.

Now that I have mourned, I can go and worship God not only for the birthdays He has given, but the birthdays He has not given.  Above my own children and above my own life, I worship God, Who gives and takes away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord, Who was born to die for us, and Whose perfect knowledge and will is the only means by which any can be saved.  As unbelievable and contrary to the flesh it might have seemed at the time to the apostles, when Jesus went to the cross... we know that it was best.  Without that seemingly incomprehensible act, none of us would be saved.

"Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him; he has put him to grief; when his soul makes an offering for guilt, he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days; the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand." - Isaiah 53:10

It is now according to this will that we do not mourn, but we REJOICE!

Don't Grab a Man by His Law

Deut 25:11-12

“When men fight with one another and the wife of the one draws near to rescue her husband from the hand of him who is beating him and puts out her hand and seizes him by the private parts, then you shall cut off her hand. Your eye shall have no pity.
---
A verse like this is not often brought up by Christians, for fear it will only bring scoffing.  Certain questions arise such as, "What if it's a woman who is not the wife? Perhaps a sister, a friend, a mother, a daughter, or just a passer by?  What if it's not a female at all, but a man who intervenes and does this?"

There is no specific law for that.  This is simply, what it was.  I imagine this very situation came up, and so this law was created to set precedent for future matters, according to the law.  There was a time when this didn't exist, but as much of the law as time went on issues were taken to Moses.  He judged between the people and matters were written down, and the legal response for such things were put in place.  This was the crime, and the punishment. "This is what happened Moses,  What should we do, Moses?"  This is the way I understand it.

It's definitely one of the "stranger" miscellaneous laws in the OT, but one among many we must keep if we are to teach the keeping all of it. The law gives no luxury of choosing between "strange" and difficult laws, and those that are not.

If anyone chooses to keep the whole Jewish law as recorded in TORAH, the means by which they establish righteousness, either in this life or the next... then the entire law must be kept.  There is no choosing between what ones we like, and what ones we don't like. So if, "Because the TORAH says so" is the reason we say that we choose to abstain from pork products, then we cannot ignore any other part just because it suits us.  If this situation arises as described in Deut 25:11-12, they cannot be ignored.

Sin does exist, but how so?  What is it, and how do we avoid it?  How do we know what sin is? Doesn't the law tell us what sin is?  What is the difference between this law, and the ten commandments?  Is there a difference?

Romans 8:1, which we all universally love as one of the greatest Christian promises in the Bible, says, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus".  But, we must see that it says so entirely based on the understanding that we are set FREE FROM THE LAW (Romans 7:1-6).  Yes, immediately following in Romans 8:2-4 we are told, "For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit."

It's a bold thing that God has done, by giving us His Spirit in that we can walk in a way that pleases Him, apart from the law.  Without the law, how can we know that we walk in integrity? How can we know what one man does is right and what another man does is wrong?  It was a bold move, but the only means by which we are saved.  Those are just my thoughts for now. It doesn't feel like a complete thought for a blog... but there it is.

What if God is Evil?

People have often speculated that they would not worship or love a God who was unjust, or ask the question, "What if God was evil?"

These thoughts (sincerely entertained) ultimately fail to consider our lowly state, and the supremacy of God as Creator. Ultimately, these thoughts are not truly seeking to understand God as a person supposes to be doing, but rather, seek merely to justify self before a holy God.

If God made us, then He is Who decides what good and bad are. Good and bad exist because God divided them, and said what is. He then allows us to perceive it, based on the reality He makes available to us. We can only entertain such thoughts because God allows it. At best we are able to perceive something as good or evil--and assuming we get it right--it is only by God's supreme design and definition that something can be evil or good for us discern in the first place.

If we, however, create in our minds a scenario where we become God's judge (maybe God is evil) and by our own self determined thoughts judge God as evil... then have become God's judge, and God ceases to be God.  You see, if God is evil, then evil would be good, and it simply becomes a moot point. Even saying so is a bit ridiculous.  Good is good, because God makes it good.  He makes it good based upon his sole discretion, power, and will.  We then exist in the world He created.

What man does not want to face, however, is that God is absolutely good all the time, and we (mankind) are continually evil of our own accord. Ultimately, the goal of such thinking that God might just be evil, is to dethrone God and justify ourselves by our own measurements and our own deluded righteousness--which is evil, by the way.

So, is God evil? The real question is, "Am I evil?" Likewise, the answer must be "yes," otherwise we are holy and perfect like God, and we have made ourselves to be God.

Not only is God absolutely good... but this.

“But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it— the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.”
Romans 3:21-26 ESV

The Miraculous Conception of Jesus, and the Abortion Debate.

I understand that this argument will fall on def ears for those who do not believe the Bible is God's Word, who otherwise do not believe in the stories therein, the miraculous conception of Christ and the events that surrounded it.  That's okay.  We should still know what we believe, and this was helpful to me.  As I was reading through Luke recently I had some thoughts strike me as relevant to the abortion debate.

Luke 1:41-42

And when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the baby leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, and she exclaimed with a loud cry, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! 

Notice what leaped in the womb--a baby.  That is John as a baby while in the womb, leaped.  A baby, not because Elizabeth chose to give birth yet, but because John was a baby in the womb regardless of her choice whether or not to slay him.  Also, notice that the fruit of Mary's womb was blessed, and the cause of his leap.  Now, this "fruit of the womb" that was in Mary, was Jesus at a very early stage of human development.  Yet, He was already blessed for what He was, as He was in the womb.  Blessed not because Mary chose to give birth, but blessed regardless of he choice whether or not to slay Him.  The person of Jesus, in all His humanity, fully God and fully man, was all of that at the earliest stages of development.  He was six months younger than John (verse 26).  He was as much a blessed human when he was fruit in the womb, as when He was a full grown man.  The blessing did not wait for the birth, but it preceded it.  God makes no differentiation, and neither should we.

How cute was Jesus as a baby?

To look at the baby Jesus with "cuteness", I believe is to gravely misunderstand Him.  Personally, I have a hard time looking at Jesus as a baby (as we remember Him portrayed when He was born as a baby during this time of year), and thinking, "That's cute".  Even as an infant, He implores this kind of worship, as expressed in O'Holy Night.

"A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new glorious morn
Fall on your knees"

It is not the cuteness of the baby that drives you to your knees, but His holiness.  The gravity of Who He is, and the weight He would be lifting off the world's shoulders (all who trust in Him).  Given this gravity of Who He was and what He came to do, the baby Jesus was probably the least "cute" baby that ever was born, to those Who recognize Him for Who He is.  Not that He was less than average in physical appearance, but his physical appearance whether aesthetically appealing or not would be obsolete, in light of His Lordship.  Do you know Who He is?  The knowledge of Who He was and Who He would become was all planned out (Isaiah 53:2), and should greatly overshadow these temporal observations.  This is not just any other cute baby.

It was when the child grew and began to speak that many people chided Him, and ultimately would torture Him to death.  When we look at the baby Jesus, we must consider His calling and His end (on the cross).  Not this was His end forever, because He is risen and is alive today at His rightful place in the heavens--Ruler over all the universe.  Do not just consider his mere physical form as a baby, because He was not just any other baby.  This baby was miraculously conceived, born of a virgin, Lord of Lords, and King of Kings.  It was by Him and through Him, that the world exists (John 1:1-5).  This little baby, is worthy of infinitely more than our cute thoughts.

----

Isaiah 42:1-10

42 Behold my servant, whom I uphold,
    my chosen, in whom my soul delights;
I have put my Spirit upon him;
    he will bring forth justice to the nations.
2 He will not cry aloud or lift up his voice,
    or make it heard in the street;
3 a bruised reed he will not break,
    and a faintly burning wick he will not quench;
    he will faithfully bring forth justice.
4 He will not grow faint or be discouraged
    till he has established justice in the earth;
    and the coastlands wait for his law.
5 Thus says God, the Lord,
    who created the heavens and stretched them out,
    who spread out the earth and what comes from it,
who gives breath to the people on it
    and spirit to those who walk in it:
6 “I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness;
    I will take you by the hand and keep you;
I will give you as a covenant for the people,
    a light for the nations,
7     to open the eyes that are blind,
to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon,
    from the prison those who sit in darkness.
8 I am the Lord; that is my name;
    my glory I give to no other,
    nor my praise to carved idols.
9 Behold, the former things have come to pass,
    and new things I now declare;
before they spring forth
    I tell you of them.”
Sing to the Lord a New Song
10 Sing to the Lord a new song,
    his praise from the end of the earth,
you who go down to the sea, and all that fills it,
    the coastlands and their inhabitants.